So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
