Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
