i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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