5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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