i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
