My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
