Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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