Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
