you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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