The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
