I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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