Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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