I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
