You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
