Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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