4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
