I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
