We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
