Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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