i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
