is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
