Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
