Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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