you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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