We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
