If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
