dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
