is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
