I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
