We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
