he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
