omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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