I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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