What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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