Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
