we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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