If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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