im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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