I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
