Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
