It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
