I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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