today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
