Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
