He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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