I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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