It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
