First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
