I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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