How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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