I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
sex in a hospital.. check
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
