After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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