I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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