my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
