I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
