with your own penis?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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