I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
