i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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