I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
