She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
