wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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