there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
