I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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