Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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