I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
