I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
